The 2nd Most Common Mistake in Parenting

Surveys are handed out at the beginning of all seminars I do.  So I have a good idea what parents have been struggling with for the last 30 years.  No matter how they word it, it comes down to three issues: (1) Disrespect for parents, (2) Lack of discipline and (3) Poor choice of friends.  Last issue we addressed disrespect.  This issue we are addressing discipline.

The Disciplinarian

“It rips me apart!” This is my son we are talking about!  I am watching him do these awful things to himself!  I just don’t know how to stop it!”

Many parents suffer watching their teens reach for alcohol and sex or concerts where the air is thick with pot, or around the clock video games, or body piercing and pornography.

They, the parents, know these are dead-end roads but they try to explain this to a teen-ager.

Teens want to do their “own thing” and the parents do not want to tread on their kids’ “self determinism” so they back off and keep a wary eye in case it gets out of control.

Then they’ll jump in.

It’s only a matter of time of course… something comes to light that is “too bad” and the family disciplinarian has the stage.

Panic strikes.  Tough mandates are handed out.  The family in divided into two camps: the jailors and the trapped-at-home teen.  He can not go out!  He can not see those friends! He can not use the phone… But he can, and does, rattle your cage.

Often one parent must quit a job to be at home and watch the errant child.  How long must this go on?

Let’s look at discipline.  It means:  (1) training that teaches one to obey rules. (2) the result of such training.  (3) punishment.

Interesting progression.  A disciplinarian, then, is a person who believes in this approach.

The rules laid down at home are already a solution to the problem of no judgment.  Now the solution has become the problem: utter rebellion.  To persist on the punishment route will not bring about judgment.  If it ever appeared to work, it produced only a deep apathy.

The disciplinarian says: there is no ethics, only justice.

Ethics is reason.  Ethics is largely hatting.  Ethics goes in by definition.  Ethics is the contemplation of optimum survival along the dynamics.

If you can honestly say: “I have  thoroughly hatted my child.  I have thoroughly defined the terms.  I have made sure that ethics is understood by my child, … and it still does not go in”  guess what?  …nobody below 2.0 wants to survive!

Maybe, just maybe, you are working at cross purposes.  You cannot force someone to survive.  The dynamics are an urge toward survival.  People from 2.0 down have an urge to succumb.  They are actively working on succumbing.

Nothing, but coming up the tone scale will change that.

The 4 valid therapies which will bring a person uptone are: environment, processing, education, and regulate the amount of MEST which the individual should control.

So, suffer no more.  Apply the valid therapies and with that bring him uptone.

Once he has a strong enough urge to survive, he will not reach for the things that bring him down.  The family is once again aligned, harmonious and winning.

I wish you harmony,

Joke Reeder

Note: MEST: matter, energy, space and time; the components of the physical universe.

Note: Please read in the book Science of Survival by L.Ron Hubbard, regarding cross purposes and the four valid therapies.